Hello Readers,
Recently my computer was wiped clean- I don't know what happened, but I lost Every Thing on it and had to bring it to the Apple store to even get it started up again. At that time the news for my astrological sign was talking about letting go of the past... Very Interesting I said as I lost photos of my life before my son was born, photos of my wedding (as you know, my marriage is over anyway) and photos of the first three years of my son's life that I hadn't yet printed (red flag!)... Along with other also stuff that I could find again in emails, like my resumes and cover letters.
Continuing in this vein over the course of this last week, an arm on my glasses broke. They are wearable, but delicate, and yesterday my cell phone broke. There is a pattern here and I'm not sure I want it to continue! I mean, I certainly can not afford the pattern of everything breaking to continue. Oh, and my toaster died too. When clean sweeps like this take place in my life, I'm the type of person who wonders if I am missing an elephant in the room. Stuff like this makes me curious if there something begging to be looked at from another perspective.
My astrology for the past two, almost three years, has been telling me to get rid of toxic stuff in my life or else (please, just go with me on this) and this week I wondered how big the "or else" has to get before I start to let go of the Really Deep Rooted Toxic Stuff, like the negative thinking within my own mind that keeps me down. Or the contact with negative people, or with people who don't understand me and want me to live life their way. Or all the "tough love" characters in my life. Do you see what I'm saying? It might be more simple than all this, but to my pondering mind, the fact that my computer, my glasses, my cell phone and my toaster all broke within a very short time of one another points toward there being a bigger picture to look at.
It also brings up is the question of how much of my life is really in my actual control and how important is that? Is keeping a tight reign on All Things a guarantee that will life continue on, undisturbed forever? What if I let go a bit, will everything completely fall apart? How much can I let go of before it does fall apart? By the way, do I still think falling apart is such a bad thing? My life certainly fell apart from what it was, and while that was horrifying at the time, here I am writing about it in a blog! I'm a survivor (insert singing of Survivor by Destiny's Child) and I certainly have learned a lot about letting go recently.
I ask these questions as I look ahead to the Fall (namely, October) when my year of unemployment will be coming to an end. Ah, panic, panic, panic! This first year that I have been separated and divorced I have been so lucky to have unemployment! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been able to work part time and therefore only have my son in daycare part time. I have been able to get my emotional life sorted out, or felt out, as it were. And now here I am in July with a few months ahead of me before I let go of my unemployment and start earning at least as much as it has provided me. Nerve wracking and nervous making because that means another change is coming! I could easily be full of anxiety every second; I feel the panic as I write this! But when I was trying to get a divorce I took small actions every day toward the larger goal and I can do that now. I can stay in touch with myself, rather than trade myself in for the spinning wheels of anxiety. I heard this said in a yoga class this week:
Everything unfolds as it should when you loosen your grip and allow yourself to be open.
Ah, loosening the grip rather than tightening it! Small actions every day rather than holding on in fear.
This week I made my son a calendar of the days of the week he is with me and alternately with his Dad. I figured if I wonder about what I can control in my life, he must feel much more confusion around that in his life. (Whew, I am so glad my camera was not affected by the "clean sweep")!
Take care and thanks for reading!
Recently my computer was wiped clean- I don't know what happened, but I lost Every Thing on it and had to bring it to the Apple store to even get it started up again. At that time the news for my astrological sign was talking about letting go of the past... Very Interesting I said as I lost photos of my life before my son was born, photos of my wedding (as you know, my marriage is over anyway) and photos of the first three years of my son's life that I hadn't yet printed (red flag!)... Along with other also stuff that I could find again in emails, like my resumes and cover letters.
Continuing in this vein over the course of this last week, an arm on my glasses broke. They are wearable, but delicate, and yesterday my cell phone broke. There is a pattern here and I'm not sure I want it to continue! I mean, I certainly can not afford the pattern of everything breaking to continue. Oh, and my toaster died too. When clean sweeps like this take place in my life, I'm the type of person who wonders if I am missing an elephant in the room. Stuff like this makes me curious if there something begging to be looked at from another perspective.
My astrology for the past two, almost three years, has been telling me to get rid of toxic stuff in my life or else (please, just go with me on this) and this week I wondered how big the "or else" has to get before I start to let go of the Really Deep Rooted Toxic Stuff, like the negative thinking within my own mind that keeps me down. Or the contact with negative people, or with people who don't understand me and want me to live life their way. Or all the "tough love" characters in my life. Do you see what I'm saying? It might be more simple than all this, but to my pondering mind, the fact that my computer, my glasses, my cell phone and my toaster all broke within a very short time of one another points toward there being a bigger picture to look at.
It also brings up is the question of how much of my life is really in my actual control and how important is that? Is keeping a tight reign on All Things a guarantee that will life continue on, undisturbed forever? What if I let go a bit, will everything completely fall apart? How much can I let go of before it does fall apart? By the way, do I still think falling apart is such a bad thing? My life certainly fell apart from what it was, and while that was horrifying at the time, here I am writing about it in a blog! I'm a survivor (insert singing of Survivor by Destiny's Child) and I certainly have learned a lot about letting go recently.
I ask these questions as I look ahead to the Fall (namely, October) when my year of unemployment will be coming to an end. Ah, panic, panic, panic! This first year that I have been separated and divorced I have been so lucky to have unemployment! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been able to work part time and therefore only have my son in daycare part time. I have been able to get my emotional life sorted out, or felt out, as it were. And now here I am in July with a few months ahead of me before I let go of my unemployment and start earning at least as much as it has provided me. Nerve wracking and nervous making because that means another change is coming! I could easily be full of anxiety every second; I feel the panic as I write this! But when I was trying to get a divorce I took small actions every day toward the larger goal and I can do that now. I can stay in touch with myself, rather than trade myself in for the spinning wheels of anxiety. I heard this said in a yoga class this week:
Everything unfolds as it should when you loosen your grip and allow yourself to be open.
Ah, loosening the grip rather than tightening it! Small actions every day rather than holding on in fear.
This week I made my son a calendar of the days of the week he is with me and alternately with his Dad. I figured if I wonder about what I can control in my life, he must feel much more confusion around that in his life. (Whew, I am so glad my camera was not affected by the "clean sweep")!
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| Up top is the time line of "things we do in the day" & then Mommy/Daddy days along bottom. He refers to it now! And is wrapping his head around the idea that we don't have to eat exactly what is in the pictures! |
XO
Single Momista
