Single Momista: Divorced for One Year!

Single Momista: Divorced for One Year!: This week a milestone has been reached! I have officially been divorced for one year! Over the course of this year my son and I survived, w...

Divorced for One Year!

This week a milestone has been reached! I have officially been divorced for one year! Over the course of this year my son and I survived, we did not starve and we did not die! We had clean clothes and we socialized. My friends were encouraging and supportive and I also made some new friends. Pre-separation I was convinced that being a solo parent would be a terribly lonely stigma, but I saw that every time I felt stigmatized, it was my own Harsh Inner Critic that was berating my struggling self, not my friends or society. After going through four seasons as a solo mother I know that I can do it, I can be this person who looks after herself and a child. Yes, it sure is a challenge, but I think being a parent sometimes helps me to keep going through the difficult changes. My son is one reason I sought a divorce in the first place, I was determined to raise him in a happy, loving way in a happy, loving home.

Reflecting back over the year, I understand now that this year was about me allowing myself to become  more emotionally stable. I say allowing to become because my Harsh Inner Critic, as mentioned above, can be down right belligerent. H.I.C. is a relentlessly vicious, cut throat attack artist, that bounces back again and again to kill-the-weakling! Why just this week I was bushwhacking myself for not being further along than I am- why am I still connected to my ex husband? Why am I dependent on his court mandated child support (which he says he can not pay this month)? A friend reminded me: It has only been a year. Thank you. Yes. It has been only One Year of being a Single Momista. In a gentler times I recognize that there is a process to becoming a Single Momista, a day by day process; my Single Momista attitude certainly did not develop overnight! And it does not happen by sheer force of will or solely with magical thinking, either. It is a recipe that includes dreaming, action, time, kindness, recommitment, more time and patience. With a good dose of friends, family, exercise, healthy eating, fresh air and laughter. Add a splash of wine, and plenty of chocolate.

my boy & the soft touch of feathers

Can anyone relate to this "year one" of being divorced? Does anyone have insights about "year two"?

Warmly,

XO

Single Momista