Single Momista: Moving to greener pastures

Single Momista: Moving to greener pastures: Spring is here and all the earthy potential in Prospect Park wakens my dream of moving from the city. I want my boy to be able to run free...

Moving to greener pastures

Spring is here and all the earthy potential in Prospect Park wakens my dream of moving from the city. I want my boy to be able to run free and wild outside, and to have autonomy as he grows. I'm anticipating his city kid request to ride the subway alone here in Brooklyn and the answer is a solid NO. So, under the influence of the sweet smell of flowering trees, I return to a favorite past time of mine, the daydream that includes a garden and open space. With a body of water nearby. And a studio for myself. With a good cafe and a movie theater a walk away. And an awesome, teenaged babysitter who is always available and whom my son adores. 

Is the grass greener on the other side? Can anyone comment from experience about relocating as a single parent? I am mostly nervous about loneliness and isolation in a more rural environment...although honestly, I also experience being alone and isolated in the city. I never intended to stay in Brooklyn. And now that I am divorced, I am not tied to my ex's refusal to move anywhere. Living on a train line could easily keep the visitation active between my son and his dad. And my son is only four, so moving by Kindergarten seems like a possibility.

I also desire more autonomy from my ex. Constant contact with someone I purposefully divorced is my current challenge of co-parenting. He has been out of work the past five months and is doing more child care now, so I see him four times a week during pick up or drop off of my child. Before you yell out- why did you divorce this amazing guy who looks after his own kid, remember that I am an amazing Single Momista; I am a woman who looks after my own kid too! Yes, it is nice to have child care "help" from my son's father, but it comes with it's own price. While I do welcome the break from paying a babysitter or from having to physically run from work to get my son before his school closes, now I am also constantly stressed about whether or not I will receive child support each month. Next month is my one year anniversary of being divorced and it seems like I see my ex more than when we were married and trying to separate! Hm mmm, something has to be revised.

Back to greenery--here is a soup I made yesterday: Potato with Spring Greens and Herbs.

Mmm, fresh dill really makes this soup delicious!

Dream, dream, dream,
XO
Single Momista

Single Momista: The feelings that shared visitation brings up

Single Momista: The feelings that shared visitation brings up: Hello Reader, A few things on my mind this week: Getting my son a pet that he can hug and run around with. All the grey in my hair. H...

The feelings that shared visitation brings up

Hello Reader,

A few things on my mind this week:

Getting my son a pet that he can hug and run around with.
All the grey in my hair.
How I miss my son when he is at his dad's.

petting Papa the Cat

Starting at the top of my list- my son wants a cuddly pet friend. Just about everyday of the week we go to our local pet store to pet Papa The Cat, the giant mouser seen in the image above. And my son has named all the feral cats in our neighborhood and keeps his eyes out for them in case they are basking in the sun, just waiting for him to pass by. After a year of this, a couple of them have become friendly towards us and I do let him pet the much less mangy one of the bunch if we are not eating any snacks at the time and are near home so can wash his hands fairly quickly. I also let him pick up feathers in the park, although I am pretty sure they are pigeon feathers. I want my son to feel good about animals and nature so I pretend, for my sake, that the feathers have fallen from more exotic birds. (We have seen a hawk in our park). We have the zoo and the Botanic Garden a ten minute walk away, but we also have feral cat friends and pigeon feathers. The pet idea is most likely going to take a year or longer to come to fruition, but I am starting to consider some tail wagging options. I realize that when my son is at his father's house it will be me and the pet at my house. And of course I am the one currently taking care of Freddy, my son's fish. Hm mm, a decision to be weighed carefully.

I will skip the part about my grey hair. But if you want to leave a comment about your experience with grey hair and dating I would love to hear about it!

On to how I miss my son when he is at his father's house. My goodness, I sure do. This is the bittersweet part of my Single Momista life- the frequent and repeated pain of missing my son when he is staying over at his dad's house. Yes, it certainly is nice have some "me time" and to write this blog instead of dealing with the hassle around bath time. And I do relish the couple mornings a week I can just sit and stare into space, uninterrupted, with a cup of very hot tea. My other mornings involve lukewarm tea and seemingly benign but quickly revealed to be trick questions such as Mommy who do you think I am from the movie? What movie? You know what movie (accompanied by stomping or whining or both). Which provokes my early morning pleas to a Higher Power. But when my son is at his dad's and I am out walking, appearing to be an ordinary, solitary person, I have a secret- I am also a sad person. I am missing my preschool son. I know for my small family's sanity it is important that I take time for myself. And I know it is important that my son and his dad have a relationship. The visitation is written into my divorce papers for both these reasons. So far it seems to be good for everyone in the long run. But the short run is not all fun for Single Momista. Perhaps this explains some of my willingness to even consider the crazy idea of adding a pet to my responsibilities.

the High Line, NYC

bonsai at botanic garden

                                     

Until next time,

XO

Single Momista

Single Momista: Writing, being funny and new shoes

Single Momista: Writing, being funny and new shoes: Hello Readers, I'm back in the game and committed to writing a weekly post. I have my doubts about continuing, but for now I am just doin...

Writing, being funny and new shoes

Hello Readers,

I'm back in the game and committed to writing a weekly post. I have my doubts about continuing, but for now I am just doing it anyway- Hey, wait! That reminds me of when I was married! Cue drums: Bom-Bom-Boom! Oh yes, I should let you know that a friend of mine suggested that I side gig as a stand up comedian as a way to evolve out of my old-life/pre-child performance artist identity, so I might be testing out some material here. My only captive audience I have right now also happen to be my yoga students, and they are (for good reason) focused on their mind/body connections and not my jokes.

Anyway, I read a blog post that advised divorced authors against writing negative stuff about their ex spouses, mainly to protect their children from reading something hurtful about their parent. That threw me off writing for some weeks because I tend to have reverence for authoritarian tones. And also because the very nature of my blog is life post divorce, a topic that sprouts from negative connotations (even if the end result is positive). Although I take care not to write anything specifically incriminating  about my ex hubs, the recipe of my current life is a direct result of a few destructive and hurtful years. So naturally my line of thinking led me to consider that writing anything at all about divorce is potentially implying something negative about my ex. Now I do know first hand that drinking a glass of wine in an overheated, dry-aired apartment in front of the world-wide-web is a one way ticket to some wasted time. Add into the mix a child asleep in bed, and nowhere for a Single Momista to go but into the contours of her own mind and we have set the scene for me talking myself out of writing my blog. Life for a single mother with no other adult in the house to talk with can can be terribly isolating...I really want to make an effort to socialize more, which by the way, is my overall intention for 2012: more joy!

Plus I have already crossed the line of protection as my sixteen year old stepson found and read my blog. And at the time I decided that it was an O.K. thing to have happened as it got him talking about his father and asking questions about his own life. Communication is an overall good thing in my book. I know that if my four year old son reads this blog tomorrow and finds out that I most definitely had a plan to get my own bedroom, and to have him sleep alone in his own bed, and that I have a dream to one day have a boyfriend, he will surely be angry at me, but that I will talk about it with him, as I already do (regarding the sleeping in his own bed). And if he reads this Single Momista blog in the future, he is most likely already angry at me or embarrassed by me for some reason or another, but again, I hope that we will have a relationship that involves communication. So for now I am just going to keep on writing the blog; I am curious to see how my life plays out. Plus Mamas need some self expression and healthy outlets too! Chocolate ice cream, red wine and Grey's Anatomy on Netflicks can only get one so far!

In my last post I wrote about starting to create space for myself in my life. One way I did this was to give up my living room and have a cozy bedroom separate from my son. And I now also have a workspace with a big table and a comfortable chair. I have thoughts of making silkscreens at this table... and I am sitting here right now writing this blog! Carrying on in this self care tradition I bought myself some new shoes this week. Anyone who knows me will tell you with obvious disdain that I have worn the same sneakers every day for two years straight! You can even see my old trusty sneaks in the image at the top of this page! And so buying these shoes is a really big deal for me! I want my external self to start reflecting all the internal healing and growing I have been doing! 

Isabel Toledo for Payless!

These feel as amazing as the ones above look!

And my New Sneaks for the playground

Until next time,
Keep Calm and Carry On!
XO
Single Momista