Room Design: Sharing a room with your child

Hello everyone,

I know five families sharing a one bedroom with their child/or children, not including myself. But I never see these kinds of homes showcased in design magazines. I can not even pull up one image on Google to help me with my own design dilemmas...Not very helpful, as this is an issue for many families. So I decided to show you how I am tackling this problem in my own apartment rental in Brooklyn.
Here is my "Before" picture:

 You can tell who dominates the room...

Looking at the image of our bedroom, you can see there is no separation between our two spaces except the room divider around my son's bed. Notice that I placed his headboard and pillow in the direction of the room divider, rather than toward the window, which allows for some privacy and separation. He can not see me when he lies down and I can not see him when I lie down. Even the smallest amount of privacy helps! This was the first step towards me getting a sense of separation in our room.

Notice the small book light by the books- a must have!!

Next, I made my bed a cozy place that I want to hang out in and on, because it is basically all the space I get on my half of the room! This was a project unto itself and took some planning as it entailed spending some money, and bedding is not cheap. I bought some new sheets and a quilt and matching shams. This might not be an option for everyone right now, but as I do spend so much time in bed, nurturing myself with some new bedding was well worth it! Yes, I truly sleep better in my new sheets! Also having my bed "dressed" helps define my part of the room, the exact effect I was going for.

I then rearranged the furniture and used the dressers as a wall between our spaces. My dresser was an unattractive eyesore, so I painted it a color I thought fitting for the bedroom- Full Moon- it's the palest of pale grey. Painting is also a big project. You have to remove the clothing from the drawers, sand the exterior of the dresser, wipe it clean and then paint several coats, allowing each coat to dry before applying the next. Don't be intimidated, you can find full instructions online. I did this when my son was with his Dad for several days. For me the project was well worth it as my lighter colored dresser helps to open up the space. 

The Two-Dresser-Wall

As winter is coming, I wanted to move my son's bed away from the radiator, so rearranged his room by flipping the placement of his toys and bed. Having the dressers as room dividers proved useful because 1. I was able to organize all his colorful, plastic toys out of sight, behind my dresser! And 2. I could tuck his bed behind his dresser, creating privacy for both of us. I still placed the headboard side of his bed and his pillow facing toward the screen/room divider, which I decided to keep for the time being. It acts as a tall wall behind his bed. I'm thinking about replacing his dresser with an Expedit bookshelf from Ikea. It would allow for more shelving; the books would get off the floor and his trucks would have cubbies to be stored in.

The bench is a sitting space between our "rooms"

Sleep zone behind his dresser

Play zone

His view of my "room" Now it does seem like it's own space.

The last stage of my Bedroom Improvement was to change how the curtains are hung. Rather than having them hang from above the window frame, down towards the floor (see "Before" image- they are too bulky, with wasted fabric) I bought two tension rods and placed them inside the window frame. I cut the curtains shorter so they land at the window ledge and sewed purple fabric (the fabric I happened to already have) inside the curtains as a "black out shade". I still have to finish hemming the curtains up and then Viola! more space around that wall. My do have purple sheets for my bed so elements in the room should tie together nicely.

When hemmed there will be a crisp bottom edge

Our functioning room- me sewing, him playing

I hope you enjoyed my bedroom house tour! Maybe you can take away some helpful tips. I would certainly love to hear about your remedies for similar problems!

All the Best,

XO 

Single Momista

Alone Time

Hello people,

So my son is with his Dad for ten days! Yes, that's right, I have Ten Days Alone. I have not been this relaxed in four years! And as I write this, I am taking the train to visit an old friend for a couple days at the Jersey Shore. Never mind that thunderstorms are forecasted, I am going on an adventure with a book and a camera. Change of scenery and adult conversations, here I come!  WOW.

I am five days into my time alone. All you parents can live vicariously through me for a moment: My mornings have been very gentle. I wake up on my own and drink my tea like I used to back in the day- quietly, with the sunrise, not thinking about anything in particular, perhaps recalling my dreams from the night before....There is no little person trying to pull my leg (in all ways possible) for a six a.m. popsicle or lollipop...

Brooklyn sunrise

Morning tea at home

And now I'm at the Jersey Shore!

More to come tomorrow, when I will start a couple posts about how to share a bedroom with your young child, without being taken over by stuffed animals and plastic toys..
XO
Single Momista

Growing Pains

Hello friends and readers,

OK, here is the inside scoop on my life and emotions.  My son is going to his Dad's girlfriend's house this month for a few days. (She lives in another state). And what that really means is that my son is going to have his Dad's girlfriend (always known to me as his affair) in his life. AHHHHH. And I gave the trip the OK. Because really, what else could I do? The lady is here to stay and the reality is that the trip probably would have happened whether I approved it or not. For the first time my ex asked my permission about something that involved his girlfriend and our son. And I want more of that behavior over the next eighteen years. So the best approach is to act dignified and get on board, even if it feels to me like I am only pretending to take the high road. My advice to myself: act the way you wish to appear.

My therapist suggested that my ex and I sit down together and talk with our son about the trip so that he knows I give the go ahead. According to her, this will show my son that he doesn't have to take care of my feelings or choose sides out of loyalty to me when he is there. He might do this on his own, but my job is to show him that he can have his own feelings about the trip and about Daddy's "friend" and her two kids. And, she said, if he does have a tantrum while there (rather than saving it up for me when he returns) his Dad will have to deal with it and have a chance to see how his choices affect our son. All this was said to me in the matter of fact manner of a professional. The child in me was internally screaming No way, Mother F-er to my ex while the adult me sat on my therapist's couch and absorbed the odd reality that I really did not have any right to veto the trip. 1. There are no real safety issues, only the imaginary ones in my mind. Like what if the bus to Boston falls on it's side and my son dies. And 2. If I ask them to postpone the trip until next summer, so my son can get to know the "friend" on his home turf more, I am only trying to control my ex's relationship. And that is not mine to control. Which leads to 3. My son will have his feelings about his Dad and about our divorce and I can not protect him from those feelings. I can only give him the room to express them.

Forgive me if my newly expanded brain has popped out of your computer and smacked into your face! It is being forced to absorb and process at an alarming rate!

My son has a life with his Dad that does not include me. It is a pretty cool life to a three year old. He eats candy over there, he chews gum, he has a LOT of toys at his Dad's house, his Dad has an I-pad. How do I fit in? I really don't and usually I am content with this. But some old feelings are getting stirred up with this impending trip to his girlfriend's. I did have dreams with my ex, we were building a life together. He also pushed me really hard to have a baby and to get married and when I delivered (ha ha, pun) he left. And now he wants to take my baby to "his affair's" house. Argh, I feel a victim rant coming on-- what was I, just a baby mama?

It is painful when I go down the road of compare and despair. That is really a ridiculously silly, dead end, road to travel, especially when I know that by having left this man, I said YES to a more stable, loving life for both myself and my son. But clearly the internal psyche is not so black and white. There is the grey zone. One of the many reasons for our divorce, my ex's relationship with another woman, is becoming a part of my son's life. It is very challenging for me to have my ex in my life and to stay healthy by constantly redefining my boundaries with him. I can not cut and run and simply play the victim role. To really move on and be strong, not just intellectually but also emotionally, I need to focus on my life in the present. And over time the sad memories of the past will lose their importance. So, I have made some plans to do some fun things for myself while they are away, like playing around in my friend's ceramic studio and going to another friend's house at the beach. I also need to get my hair cut.

Thank you for listening while I process here. I sure wish I had something way more fattening than strawberries in the house right now! Oh, here is a fruit leather... Not Good Enough---I've got to seriously rethink the food shopping!! 

An old drawing of mine. It's an internally directed effort.

Take care,
XO
Single Momista