Hello there,
So something symbolic occurred for me recently. But before I dish on that, I want to back up and start from the beginning again, back when I was trying to leave my marriage. Because really this is why I am writing my blog in the first place, as a chronicle of hope for someone who might be contemplating the path of a divorced, single mother.
A lot of us women trade in some, most of, or all of our career when we stay at home with our baby for some, most of, or all of the time. Or our careers plateau because we are the ones who take a day off when our child is sick or there is a school holiday, etc.
That is my story too. Before the birth of my son, I was earning as much as my husband. And then I became the stay at home parent while my husband became the go out to work parent. I had a home yoga studio, which was aptly called House of Yoga, but considering all the marital tension that eventually led to divorce, the name was probably an oxymoron. Anyway, I started classes up again in House of Yoga when my son was four months old. I began with Mom/Baby yoga classes that I taught in the mornings with my son strapped to me in the baby carrier. Once I figured out my son's sleeping schedule I started up my evening class for working professionals. By the way, I now know that the words guaranteed-to-be-asleep should never be used in the same sentence as the word baby, for once I started teaching evening classes at the time that baby is guaranteed to be asleep, my son was no longer sticking to his chosen schedule. While I was trying to stay focused on teaching people how to relax, I could hear my son screaming at his full lung capacity as his Dad walked him around the neighborhood for an hour! I was also teaching a class at 6 am, before anyone else in my house woke up, and that was the most enjoyable class for me. Five women and I doing sun salutations in my beautiful studio as the morning sun lit it up the walls. I miss those sunny mornings in House of Yoga.
Anyway, fast forward a couple years and I'm still teaching around my full time, stay at home mom schedule and my husband's daytime work schedule. And I am slowly accepting that my marriage is dissolving, but not earning nearly enough money to be able to make any moves. Then I got a full time job as a supervisor for the Census Bureau. Wow, going from yoga world to government bureaucracy was quite a leap for me! I know most people do the opposite, trading in their corporate job to teach yoga, but I desperately needed the money. And after working in yoga clothes for ten years it was fun for me to get dressed up for work. I began in April and three months later I was financially able to move out of my marital home and sublet an apartment with my son. Obviously the money helped significantly but earning also helped me to emotionally make that move. My husband had used his Big earning versus my Small earning as a way to keep me feeling insecure and therefore locked into the marriage. By increasing my income I gained my independence.
When I left my marital home I was making a Substantial Income, but of course working for the Census Bureau was a temporary job and after a five month stint I was unemployed, living separately from my husband, and into my divorce process. I had taken a five month hiatus from teaching yoga as I was far too drained from my divorce to offer anything to my students, and I found myself with no income. I immediately applied for food stamps. This was humbling for me. Then it was Very humbling to actually Use them to purchase food. I remember repeating this mantra: I will do whatever it takes to leave my marriage, even if it means being on food stamps.
The intertwined message of the Puritan Work Ethic and The American Dream that we often hear is that by striving hard, being self made and self sufficient, you will achieve Material Prosperity and have public respect. Being on food stamps seems like the opposite of that message, and even though I felt embarrassed, food stamps were a Part Of my plan for achieving a well respected, happy and prosperous life. I had already said I deserve much more than this and left my marriage to take my chances as an independent, self sufficient Single Momista. I made a decision for my son to grow up in a loving home and witness his Momma as a strong, well loved and respected woman. And to help achieve my goals I was Accepting Help and buying our food with food stamps. So I kept up my mantra: I will do what ever it takes to leave my marriage, even if it means being on food stamps. And I kept buying my locally grown, organic food with them.
Well, now a year later, I no longer financially qualify to be on food stamps! I have set manageable goals and it seems that my hair now frizzes over the poverty line. I have done a lot of personal soul searching and healing this year to get here: I traded yoga lessons for Life Coaching Sessions to help me realign with my direction and motivation, I took part of online seminars about earning your potential, I've read books about the psychology of Why Women Earn Less, I starting saying Yes to things that came my way. I applied for and received a scholarship to study muscles and kinesiology for a year, I did a weekend Restorative Yoga teacher training and connected with colleagues in my field. I've reached out to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. And I have found a way to ask for specific help from people who care about me but who express it in unhelpful ways. I am much more emotionally stronger than I was when I applied for food stamps. And I continue to make my decisions based on having a fulfilling life.
And obviously I am earning more money, otherwise I would still be on the food stamps. And with earning more, I am now able to spend some money on myself. I wrote in a previous post that I was going to address my (lack of) wardrobe and this month I actually subscribed to several fashion magazines and took some of their tips with me as I invested in my external appearance. I have been working so diligently on my internal stuff and now I want my external appearance to reflect my growth and healing. And, I think it's extremely hilarious, but people of the opposite gender are suddenly, and I mean suddenly, saying Hel-lo to me on the street now. One older gentleman even said "looks good to me" as I passed his bus stop. Definitely the internal healing must be shining through. It can't just be the new boots I am wearing.
Be bold and carry on,
So something symbolic occurred for me recently. But before I dish on that, I want to back up and start from the beginning again, back when I was trying to leave my marriage. Because really this is why I am writing my blog in the first place, as a chronicle of hope for someone who might be contemplating the path of a divorced, single mother.
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| kangaroo paw flowers |
That is my story too. Before the birth of my son, I was earning as much as my husband. And then I became the stay at home parent while my husband became the go out to work parent. I had a home yoga studio, which was aptly called House of Yoga, but considering all the marital tension that eventually led to divorce, the name was probably an oxymoron. Anyway, I started classes up again in House of Yoga when my son was four months old. I began with Mom/Baby yoga classes that I taught in the mornings with my son strapped to me in the baby carrier. Once I figured out my son's sleeping schedule I started up my evening class for working professionals. By the way, I now know that the words guaranteed-to-be-asleep should never be used in the same sentence as the word baby, for once I started teaching evening classes at the time that baby is guaranteed to be asleep, my son was no longer sticking to his chosen schedule. While I was trying to stay focused on teaching people how to relax, I could hear my son screaming at his full lung capacity as his Dad walked him around the neighborhood for an hour! I was also teaching a class at 6 am, before anyone else in my house woke up, and that was the most enjoyable class for me. Five women and I doing sun salutations in my beautiful studio as the morning sun lit it up the walls. I miss those sunny mornings in House of Yoga.
Anyway, fast forward a couple years and I'm still teaching around my full time, stay at home mom schedule and my husband's daytime work schedule. And I am slowly accepting that my marriage is dissolving, but not earning nearly enough money to be able to make any moves. Then I got a full time job as a supervisor for the Census Bureau. Wow, going from yoga world to government bureaucracy was quite a leap for me! I know most people do the opposite, trading in their corporate job to teach yoga, but I desperately needed the money. And after working in yoga clothes for ten years it was fun for me to get dressed up for work. I began in April and three months later I was financially able to move out of my marital home and sublet an apartment with my son. Obviously the money helped significantly but earning also helped me to emotionally make that move. My husband had used his Big earning versus my Small earning as a way to keep me feeling insecure and therefore locked into the marriage. By increasing my income I gained my independence.
When I left my marital home I was making a Substantial Income, but of course working for the Census Bureau was a temporary job and after a five month stint I was unemployed, living separately from my husband, and into my divorce process. I had taken a five month hiatus from teaching yoga as I was far too drained from my divorce to offer anything to my students, and I found myself with no income. I immediately applied for food stamps. This was humbling for me. Then it was Very humbling to actually Use them to purchase food. I remember repeating this mantra: I will do whatever it takes to leave my marriage, even if it means being on food stamps.
The intertwined message of the Puritan Work Ethic and The American Dream that we often hear is that by striving hard, being self made and self sufficient, you will achieve Material Prosperity and have public respect. Being on food stamps seems like the opposite of that message, and even though I felt embarrassed, food stamps were a Part Of my plan for achieving a well respected, happy and prosperous life. I had already said I deserve much more than this and left my marriage to take my chances as an independent, self sufficient Single Momista. I made a decision for my son to grow up in a loving home and witness his Momma as a strong, well loved and respected woman. And to help achieve my goals I was Accepting Help and buying our food with food stamps. So I kept up my mantra: I will do what ever it takes to leave my marriage, even if it means being on food stamps. And I kept buying my locally grown, organic food with them.
Well, now a year later, I no longer financially qualify to be on food stamps! I have set manageable goals and it seems that my hair now frizzes over the poverty line. I have done a lot of personal soul searching and healing this year to get here: I traded yoga lessons for Life Coaching Sessions to help me realign with my direction and motivation, I took part of online seminars about earning your potential, I've read books about the psychology of Why Women Earn Less, I starting saying Yes to things that came my way. I applied for and received a scholarship to study muscles and kinesiology for a year, I did a weekend Restorative Yoga teacher training and connected with colleagues in my field. I've reached out to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. And I have found a way to ask for specific help from people who care about me but who express it in unhelpful ways. I am much more emotionally stronger than I was when I applied for food stamps. And I continue to make my decisions based on having a fulfilling life.
And obviously I am earning more money, otherwise I would still be on the food stamps. And with earning more, I am now able to spend some money on myself. I wrote in a previous post that I was going to address my (lack of) wardrobe and this month I actually subscribed to several fashion magazines and took some of their tips with me as I invested in my external appearance. I have been working so diligently on my internal stuff and now I want my external appearance to reflect my growth and healing. And, I think it's extremely hilarious, but people of the opposite gender are suddenly, and I mean suddenly, saying Hel-lo to me on the street now. One older gentleman even said "looks good to me" as I passed his bus stop. Definitely the internal healing must be shining through. It can't just be the new boots I am wearing.
 |
| these boots are made for walking |
XO
Single Momista
