Single Momista: Writing, being funny and new shoes

Hello Readers,

I'm back in the game and committed to writing a weekly post. I have my doubts about continuing, but for now I am just doing it anyway- Hey, wait! That reminds me of when I was married! Cue drums: Bom-Bom-Boom! Oh yes, I should let you know that a friend of mine suggested that I side gig as a stand up comedian as a way to evolve out of my old-life/pre-child performance artist identity, so I might be testing out some material here. My only captive audience I have right now also happen to be my yoga students, and they are (for good reason) focused on their mind/body connections and not my jokes.

Anyway, I read a blog post that advised divorced authors against writing negative stuff about their ex spouses, mainly to protect their children from reading something hurtful about their parent. That threw me off writing for some weeks because I tend to have reverence for authoritarian tones. And also because the very nature of my blog is life post divorce, a topic that sprouts from negative connotations (even if the end result is positive). Although I take care not to write anything specifically incriminating about my ex hubs, the recipe of my current life is a direct result of a few destructive and hurtful years. So naturally my line of thinking led me to consider that writing anything at all about divorce is potentially implying something negative about my ex. Now I do know first hand that drinking a glass of wine in an overheated, dry-aired apartment in front of the world-wide-web is a one way ticket to some wasted time. Add into the mix a child asleep in bed, and nowhere for a Single Momista to go but into the contours of her own mind and we have set the scene for me talking myself out of writing my blog. Life for a single mother with no other adult in the house to talk with can can be terribly isolating...I really want to make an effort to socialize more, which by the way, is my overall intention for 2012: more joy!

Plus I have already crossed the line of protection as my sixteen year old stepson found and read my blog. And at the time I decided that it was an O.K. thing to have happened as it got him talking about his father and asking questions about his own life. Communication is an overall good thing in my book. I know that if my four year old son reads this blog tomorrow and finds out that I most definitely had a plan to get my own bedroom, and to have him sleep alone in his own bed, and that I have a dream to one day have a boyfriend, he will surely be angry at me, but that I will talk about it with him, as I already do (regarding the sleeping in his own bed). And if he reads this Single Momista blog in the future, he is most likely already angry at me or embarrassed by me for some reason or another, but again, I hope that we will have a relationship that involves communication. So for now I am just going to keep on writing the blog; I am curious to see how my life plays out. Plus Mamas need some self expression and healthy outlets too! Chocolate ice cream, red wine and Grey's Anatomy on Netflicks can only get one so far!

In my last post I wrote about starting to create space for myself in my life. One way I did this was to give up my living room and have a cozy bedroom separate from my son. And I now also have a workspace with a big table and a comfortable chair. I have thoughts of making silkscreens at this table... and I am sitting here right now writing this blog! Carrying on in this self care tradition I bought myself some new shoes this week. Anyone who knows me will tell you with obvious disdain that I have worn the same sneakers every day for two years straight! You can even see my old trusty sneaks in the image at the top of this page! And so buying these shoes is a really big deal for me! I want my external self to start reflecting all the internal healing and growing I have been doing!