Hello all,
Continuing on a bit from the last post, I will repeat that my little son has been so angry lately. Mind blowing angry outbursts come flying out of his mouth with seemingly no external provocation. Where does this come from? Could that be my voice I am hearing, recycled by my 3 year old? I am quick and ready to take all blame, but maybe there is something to that question. What examples of behavior do I give my son? How do I react to big and small things in our life together when I am constantly stressed?
My son wants to be a boy- energy abounds- yet I have to constantly restrict him in our current apartment. Our previous neighbors were relaxed, but in our new home, the downstairs neighbor has knocked on our door several times to complain. I absolutely loathe it, but I find myself on constant repeat with the no running, no jumping, play your cars on the rug only, no throwing in the house, no toys in the kitchen (lest we lose some more cars under the stove) (and then, if I step on another toy in the kitchen, I am throwing it in the garbage)...yadda, yadda, yadda...
When I am stressed I notice that I tend to over discipline, maybe as a way to get control over an-y-thing in my life. It doesn't work though and at home it actually backfires causing my son to be stressed as well. Then the whole power struggle cycle gets repeated, driving me nuts, which in turn, creates more tension and then I just have to eat all the chocolate I have stocked in the house. Some days I have eaten chocolate before eating breakfast! Information which surprises me, and I'm the one doing it! And while chocolate is delicious and does has a calming and grounding effect (dark chocolate) it is sadly, not the best food for consistent, stable moods and energy.
My current solution to my stress is this- look for a new apartment, eat less chocolate, and take better care of myself daily:
I can already say that this past Saturday my self care was more window box gardening and we also went to the beach, which is my favorite place. On Sunday, I painted my mismatched kitchen table and chairs white and then I put on heels and lipstick and went to see my friend's show. Monday (today) I meditated for 20 minutes.
My goal is one self care action a day so I move away from relying on chocolate and hours of movies on Netflicks to be my soother/number and into activities that actually do soothe and nurture me. Perhaps for me to experience less daily stress, it's now time to discover what my interests are post baby and post divorce. I am a Single Momista after all, who has known success and love and travel and can maybe do so again, post baby and post divorce.
Off the top of my head I can immediately list a few things I am interested in right now. First of all, finding a yoga teacher to study with is necessary both for my own teaching and my state of mind. Pottery classes would be great, glass blowing classes too, and more day trips to the beach and to the botanic garden. Also, making a weekly food plan for our meals, something I have done in the past but have lost track of recently, is back on starting this week and will help me to eat more healthily.
Will taking care of myself in body, belly and spirit create a calmer Single Momista so that my son is not so tense, stressed and angry? Yes. But there might be more to his anger issue. He is, after all, a very young child of divorced parents, going back and forth between two homes. Before I stay up all night worrying about how my divorce and resulting financial and energetic stress is messing him up, I will remind myself of the very proactive, adult thing I am doing for him this week- I am attending a parenting workshop on "the child who acts out at home" and am counting on that to provide some professional insight.
The transition continues...
XO
Single Momista
Continuing on a bit from the last post, I will repeat that my little son has been so angry lately. Mind blowing angry outbursts come flying out of his mouth with seemingly no external provocation. Where does this come from? Could that be my voice I am hearing, recycled by my 3 year old? I am quick and ready to take all blame, but maybe there is something to that question. What examples of behavior do I give my son? How do I react to big and small things in our life together when I am constantly stressed?
My son wants to be a boy- energy abounds- yet I have to constantly restrict him in our current apartment. Our previous neighbors were relaxed, but in our new home, the downstairs neighbor has knocked on our door several times to complain. I absolutely loathe it, but I find myself on constant repeat with the no running, no jumping, play your cars on the rug only, no throwing in the house, no toys in the kitchen (lest we lose some more cars under the stove) (and then, if I step on another toy in the kitchen, I am throwing it in the garbage)...yadda, yadda, yadda...
When I am stressed I notice that I tend to over discipline, maybe as a way to get control over an-y-thing in my life. It doesn't work though and at home it actually backfires causing my son to be stressed as well. Then the whole power struggle cycle gets repeated, driving me nuts, which in turn, creates more tension and then I just have to eat all the chocolate I have stocked in the house. Some days I have eaten chocolate before eating breakfast! Information which surprises me, and I'm the one doing it! And while chocolate is delicious and does has a calming and grounding effect (dark chocolate) it is sadly, not the best food for consistent, stable moods and energy.
My current solution to my stress is this- look for a new apartment, eat less chocolate, and take better care of myself daily:
 |
| my weekly self care calendar |
I can already say that this past Saturday my self care was more window box gardening and we also went to the beach, which is my favorite place. On Sunday, I painted my mismatched kitchen table and chairs white and then I put on heels and lipstick and went to see my friend's show. Monday (today) I meditated for 20 minutes.
My goal is one self care action a day so I move away from relying on chocolate and hours of movies on Netflicks to be my soother/number and into activities that actually do soothe and nurture me. Perhaps for me to experience less daily stress, it's now time to discover what my interests are post baby and post divorce. I am a Single Momista after all, who has known success and love and travel and can maybe do so again, post baby and post divorce.
Off the top of my head I can immediately list a few things I am interested in right now. First of all, finding a yoga teacher to study with is necessary both for my own teaching and my state of mind. Pottery classes would be great, glass blowing classes too, and more day trips to the beach and to the botanic garden. Also, making a weekly food plan for our meals, something I have done in the past but have lost track of recently, is back on starting this week and will help me to eat more healthily.
Will taking care of myself in body, belly and spirit create a calmer Single Momista so that my son is not so tense, stressed and angry? Yes. But there might be more to his anger issue. He is, after all, a very young child of divorced parents, going back and forth between two homes. Before I stay up all night worrying about how my divorce and resulting financial and energetic stress is messing him up, I will remind myself of the very proactive, adult thing I am doing for him this week- I am attending a parenting workshop on "the child who acts out at home" and am counting on that to provide some professional insight.
The transition continues...
XO
Single Momista
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Hello, Thank you for reading my blog. Please post a comment if you care to join the discussion. XO Single Momista