Money Talks some more

missed a week of blogging while at grandpa's house

I will attempt to keep this More Money Talk simple, ha ha! This post is specifically for the Momista in a difficult, controlling or abusive relationship. If you lovely people following my blog know someone in this situation please pass this post on to her!

A few notes from my Personal Learning Curve:

1. If your spouse is controlling You by controlling the Money, here is a suggestion given to me by my sister, who is an accountant and a tax evasion expert. As regularly as you can, put some money on a store gift card for your future. It's a sure way to save money for your future expenses or even to have the means to buy basic necessities when your money is being controlled. I often used a local pharmacy to buy basics, so twice a month, right after payday, I put $20. to $50. on a store gift card. I saved the cards up and used them as cash when I moved out. If your spouse is controlling your money and therefore, your freedom, my suggestion would be to start doing this Today. The more money put away on gift cards = more money you will have saved up for yourself. When I was going through my divorce my lawyer asked for information on all bank accounts. If I had started a private savings account for myself, it would no longer have been private. And my husband would have been eligible for half the money I had saved up for myself and my son. But the gift cards were my private reserve of future cash. I felt duplicitous while doing it, but it was an imperative action that I had to take for my future.

2. Also, if you can swing it without being questioned by your spouse, every time you purchase something, get at least $10. cash back and put this in a safe place. This can be your cash reserve to get a cab to safety if your spouse is aggressive or you might find you end up with enough money to put a deposit on an apartment. You can also use this money for store gift cards.

3. The day before your court date for divorce, take your name off ALL and I repeat ALL shared bills. I did this on all bills except the electric bill and am now dealing with my irresponsible ex husband's $1000. defaulted utility bill as both our names are on the bill! This is a big Personal Learning Curve Lesson of mine! Why did I expect my ex to miraculously transform into someone who is committed to doing the right thing? Because expecting him to change gives me the chance to participate in a favorite activity of mine- walking full speed ahead into a closed glass door. Do not expect your spouse to suddenly become that person you want them to be! You are getting divorced! Take your name off all shared bills!

Writing about my relationship, albeit thru money, is upsetting for me. So I will leave it there for now and go buy some herbs for my window boxes. Lemon balm, mint, chives, dill, parsley and thyme...Lemon balm tea is very soothing.
XO,
Single Momista

so far I have returning chives & lemon balm from a friend