Single Momista: Amicable relations with Ex Hubs

Hi Readers,

My son is always with his dad from Sunday into Tuesday morning. So Monday morning I can sit on my bed in silence, writing, reading, drinking my tea. This morning I am looking out the window towards a nice morning sky. My camera is having technical difficulties so I can not add my own picture here, but I found this quote on the Internet:

'A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked.' ~ Anais Nin

But in my case it would be- joy in the task of two cups of green tea, joy accompanied me as I sat in my bed. I know that for many of you Monday morning is not peaceful and leisurely, so I am not even going to mention that I am also still in my pajamas.

What has forced me to sit in my bed this morning can be described quite simply as exhaustion. I have have added five classes to my teaching schedule this Fall. My son also has a new schedule which leaves me less downtime to take care of my "chores" without him. It was two months ago that I noticed I should wash the kitchen floor and it hasn't been done yet (I guess that explains my lack of allowance). My father is visiting next week, so I've got to get to that floor before then. I think I will go back to the Swiffer mop. Even though the mop pads cost more than soap and water, they are so much easier. And whatever makes life easier is the way to go as a Single Momista.

I have lots of mom friends and know that all moms are exhausted. Some moms even have more than one kid. Some single moms don't have an ex who shares responsibility. There are all kinds of things going on for everyone. But partnered up or single, everyone who has a child is most likely exhausted.

I can only do one thing at a time. And in this instance I am not talking about "Acceptance" that a yoga teacher (like myself) might talk about. What I mean is that new work and school schedules are exhausting and take time to get used to and in the meantime I find myself eating bread with butter on it. And then I have an avocado later. And then, what's this? A half eaten string cheese is found in my bag while I'm locating my wallet at the cashier. But I can not seem to make the sandwich and eat the whole thing at one time. I take a shower, but then I have to shave my legs, sometimes immediately after my shower, in the bathroom sink. And sometimes I wash my hair hanging over the tub while my son is taking his bath. And what about my feet? Teaching yoga is a barefoot job, so I really have to take care of my feet but often I just am too tired and forget. So at some point I put a Curious George video for my son which gives me 15- 30 minutes to soak my feet in the tub and go at them with a pumice stone.

Occasionally I do take a shower and do all the rest of it at the same time and I feel amazing! I feel like I did before I had a baby! Sometimes I do make a sandwich for myself or a meal, and again, I feel like this is a major accomplishment. I have had huge successes in my life and taking a shower was never one of them until I had a child. At the end of the day I often have to force myself to take a shower (adult tantrum, anyone?) because I have fallen asleep while putting my son to bed and do not want to wake up and take care of all that other stuff.

But exhaustion can have it's up side. For example, the amicable state of my relationship with my ex right now is definitely due in part to my exhaustion. He still annoys the tofu out of me, but I just can't focus on him right now. And that is so beneficial for my overall state of mind! I'm very accustomed to being angry, annoyed or disappointed with him. And I still am, but to a much lesser degree. I suppose this is the middle ground that people call "the grey zone". A zone that I haven't had much experience with as I'm more of a swinger between black and white. It's either love or hate for me. I know that trying on the grey zone relationship with my ex has a lot to do with how much stronger I feel as a person today, post divorce, as I heal from the effects of divorce (panic/disappointment/betrayal/survival mode, to name a few). And yes, after six years, I am finally having some acceptance of who I have a child with. But being exhausted also makes me focus more on my Self and less so on him.