Monday, October 17, 2011
Single Momista: Amicable relations with Ex Hubs
Single Momista: Amicable relations with Ex Hubs: Hi Readers, My son is always with his dad from Sunday into Tuesday morning. So Monday morning I can sit on my bed in silence, writing, rea...
Amicable relations with Ex Hubs
Hi Readers,
My son is always with his dad from Sunday into Tuesday morning. So Monday morning I can sit on my bed in silence, writing, reading, drinking my tea. This morning I am looking out the window towards a nice morning sky. My camera is having technical difficulties so I can not add my own picture here, but I found this quote on the Internet:
'A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked.' ~ Anais Nin
But in my case it would be- joy in the task of two cups of green tea, joy accompanied me as I sat in my bed. I know that for many of you Monday morning is not peaceful and leisurely, so I am not even going to mention that I am also still in my pajamas.
What has forced me to sit in my bed this morning can be described quite simply as exhaustion. I have have added five classes to my teaching schedule this Fall. My son also has a new schedule which leaves me less downtime to take care of my "chores" without him. It was two months ago that I noticed I should wash the kitchen floor and it hasn't been done yet (I guess that explains my lack of allowance). My father is visiting next week, so I've got to get to that floor before then. I think I will go back to the Swiffer mop. Even though the mop pads cost more than soap and water, they are so much easier. And whatever makes life easier is the way to go as a Single Momista.
I have lots of mom friends and know that all moms are exhausted. Some moms even have more than one kid. Some single moms don't have an ex who shares responsibility. There are all kinds of things going on for everyone. But partnered up or single, everyone who has a child is most likely exhausted.
I can only do one thing at a time. And in this instance I am not talking about "Acceptance" that a yoga teacher (like myself) might talk about. What I mean is that new work and school schedules are exhausting and take time to get used to and in the meantime I find myself eating bread with butter on it. And then I have an avocado later. And then, what's this? A half eaten string cheese is found in my bag while I'm locating my wallet at the cashier. But I can not seem to make the sandwich and eat the whole thing at one time. I take a shower, but then I have to shave my legs, sometimes immediately after my shower, in the bathroom sink. And sometimes I wash my hair hanging over the tub while my son is taking his bath. And what about my feet? Teaching yoga is a barefoot job, so I really have to take care of my feet but often I just am too tired and forget. So at some point I put a Curious George video for my son which gives me 15- 30 minutes to soak my feet in the tub and go at them with a pumice stone.
Occasionally I do take a shower and do all the rest of it at the same time and I feel amazing! I feel like I did before I had a baby! Sometimes I do make a sandwich for myself or a meal, and again, I feel like this is a major accomplishment. I have had huge successes in my life and taking a shower was never one of them until I had a child. At the end of the day I often have to force myself to take a shower (adult tantrum, anyone?) because I have fallen asleep while putting my son to bed and do not want to wake up and take care of all that other stuff.
But exhaustion can have it's up side. For example, the amicable state of my relationship with my ex right now is definitely due in part to my exhaustion. He still annoys the tofu out of me, but I just can't focus on him right now. And that is so beneficial for my overall state of mind! I'm very accustomed to being angry, annoyed or disappointed with him. And I still am, but to a much lesser degree. I suppose this is the middle ground that people call "the grey zone". A zone that I haven't had much experience with as I'm more of a swinger between black and white. It's either love or hate for me. I know that trying on the grey zone relationship with my ex has a lot to do with how much stronger I feel as a person today, post divorce, as I heal from the effects of divorce (panic/disappointment/betrayal/survival mode, to name a few). And yes, after six years, I am finally having some acceptance of who I have a child with. But being exhausted also makes me focus more on my Self and less so on him.
If you can relate to anything I have said here, please write me a comment below. I would love to hear from you!
My son is always with his dad from Sunday into Tuesday morning. So Monday morning I can sit on my bed in silence, writing, reading, drinking my tea. This morning I am looking out the window towards a nice morning sky. My camera is having technical difficulties so I can not add my own picture here, but I found this quote on the Internet:
'A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked.' ~ Anais Nin
But in my case it would be- joy in the task of two cups of green tea, joy accompanied me as I sat in my bed. I know that for many of you Monday morning is not peaceful and leisurely, so I am not even going to mention that I am also still in my pajamas.
What has forced me to sit in my bed this morning can be described quite simply as exhaustion. I have have added five classes to my teaching schedule this Fall. My son also has a new schedule which leaves me less downtime to take care of my "chores" without him. It was two months ago that I noticed I should wash the kitchen floor and it hasn't been done yet (I guess that explains my lack of allowance). My father is visiting next week, so I've got to get to that floor before then. I think I will go back to the Swiffer mop. Even though the mop pads cost more than soap and water, they are so much easier. And whatever makes life easier is the way to go as a Single Momista.
I have lots of mom friends and know that all moms are exhausted. Some moms even have more than one kid. Some single moms don't have an ex who shares responsibility. There are all kinds of things going on for everyone. But partnered up or single, everyone who has a child is most likely exhausted.
I can only do one thing at a time. And in this instance I am not talking about "Acceptance" that a yoga teacher (like myself) might talk about. What I mean is that new work and school schedules are exhausting and take time to get used to and in the meantime I find myself eating bread with butter on it. And then I have an avocado later. And then, what's this? A half eaten string cheese is found in my bag while I'm locating my wallet at the cashier. But I can not seem to make the sandwich and eat the whole thing at one time. I take a shower, but then I have to shave my legs, sometimes immediately after my shower, in the bathroom sink. And sometimes I wash my hair hanging over the tub while my son is taking his bath. And what about my feet? Teaching yoga is a barefoot job, so I really have to take care of my feet but often I just am too tired and forget. So at some point I put a Curious George video for my son which gives me 15- 30 minutes to soak my feet in the tub and go at them with a pumice stone.
Occasionally I do take a shower and do all the rest of it at the same time and I feel amazing! I feel like I did before I had a baby! Sometimes I do make a sandwich for myself or a meal, and again, I feel like this is a major accomplishment. I have had huge successes in my life and taking a shower was never one of them until I had a child. At the end of the day I often have to force myself to take a shower (adult tantrum, anyone?) because I have fallen asleep while putting my son to bed and do not want to wake up and take care of all that other stuff.
But exhaustion can have it's up side. For example, the amicable state of my relationship with my ex right now is definitely due in part to my exhaustion. He still annoys the tofu out of me, but I just can't focus on him right now. And that is so beneficial for my overall state of mind! I'm very accustomed to being angry, annoyed or disappointed with him. And I still am, but to a much lesser degree. I suppose this is the middle ground that people call "the grey zone". A zone that I haven't had much experience with as I'm more of a swinger between black and white. It's either love or hate for me. I know that trying on the grey zone relationship with my ex has a lot to do with how much stronger I feel as a person today, post divorce, as I heal from the effects of divorce (panic/disappointment/betrayal/survival mode, to name a few). And yes, after six years, I am finally having some acceptance of who I have a child with. But being exhausted also makes me focus more on my Self and less so on him.
 |
| I found this poster on the street |
 |
| fall flower shopping with my helper |
Take care & carry on
XO
Single Momista
Saturday, October 1, 2011
New Responsibility
Hello all faithful readers,
Gosh, rather than reducing my responsibilities (and therefore my stress) I have added to them this week by adopting a Betta fish from a friend who is moving. Mind you, this is a single mom friend who managed to keep this fish alive for a year already, so, like, no pressure! Yes, well... if you google anything re Betta fish, you will learn that when you acquire one housed in a small bowl you Need to Purchase a large enough tank for the fish to Thrive, not Survive in, along with gravel and some plants to create hiding places. It's interesting to build up a fish tank and create a safe space within four glass walls. I also need a hiding place sometimes. Sharing a room with my son makes that difficult but I am now thinking about how I can make the living room more cozy and carve out a "Mommy's corner" or chair. The concept of the lazy boy chair for Dad now makes complete sense to me. Prior to owning Freddy The Fish I categorized it as a really bad design element, but now I get the safe space reality.
Anyway, my darling son (aged 3.5 years) told me that his job would be feeding Freddy The Fish, changing his water, and making sure his plant (now plants) are standing straight. I thought to myself: Wow, only three weeks in and his Montessori school is already teaching him a sense of responsibility! I also knew that soon enough he would be delegating these tasks to me, his subordinate. And here I am, two days into Freddy, boiling rocks found in the park, dripping vinegar on them to test for something or other, and $75. in the hole due to research on the web about our "easy to care for" fish. All while my son is playing with his I-Pad at his Dad's house. Take it from me, if you have a kitchen floor to wash, some receipts from the last month to put into your spending plan, or you have a penchant for Feng Shui, setting up your fish tank will happily distract and occupy you for some time.
While the pH level of the water situates itself I hope our one fish will survive as I acclimate him to a new tank. To help things move along more smoothly I have taken out my contact lenses to easier read the tank's instruction guide at a distance that is closer than two feet from my face. Noticing my aging can be "eye opening" (I am getting really good with the puns)! Especially in conjunction with not having legally documented my child's guardian or not having a retirement savings account when I am a freelance worker, or what about, not having had a lover in a couple years and wondering how that will play out now that I am over 40 years of age... Maybe I am turning into a cliche of the single mom lady with no sex life... i.e., quick to ignite over simple things like banging one's head on the towel rack, again, while standing up after wiping one's son's bottom. But, I must say that I did see a handsome, interesting looking man with a nice voice in the wine shop tonight, and that was before I had a glass of wine (hey Handsome, have you heard the one about poop?). So there is a benefit to buying a bottle of wine, if only to stir up that curious beast within. P.S. I don't usually notice handsome, interesting men these days, although I Am Not Old, just preoccupied with raising my son. And earning enough money that might be spent on creating relaxing spaces in our apartment such as a beautiful and peaceful 2.5 gallon fish tank.
This weekend I am participating in a Restorative Yoga teachers training with one of my first yoga teachers from 20 years ago. It's been said that you teach what you need to learn and I couldn't agree more. While going through the legalities of my divorce, I went to a weekly Restorative Yoga class for six months. And while attending this weekend training I am reminded that I still need a weekly restorative practice to maintain my personal pH levels. Restorative Yoga is great for today's society, where we are on auto pilot most of the time, have less boundaries between work and self, and often don't even know where we really begin and end. For those of you reading this- take a break into child's pose right now- sit on your heels, forehead resting forward on the floor, arms either along your side, or stretched in front, or making a pillow for your head. Take 25 breaths, come up and then decide how you want to continue your day. (see photo below).
All the best,
XO
Single Momista
Gosh, rather than reducing my responsibilities (and therefore my stress) I have added to them this week by adopting a Betta fish from a friend who is moving. Mind you, this is a single mom friend who managed to keep this fish alive for a year already, so, like, no pressure! Yes, well... if you google anything re Betta fish, you will learn that when you acquire one housed in a small bowl you Need to Purchase a large enough tank for the fish to Thrive, not Survive in, along with gravel and some plants to create hiding places. It's interesting to build up a fish tank and create a safe space within four glass walls. I also need a hiding place sometimes. Sharing a room with my son makes that difficult but I am now thinking about how I can make the living room more cozy and carve out a "Mommy's corner" or chair. The concept of the lazy boy chair for Dad now makes complete sense to me. Prior to owning Freddy The Fish I categorized it as a really bad design element, but now I get the safe space reality.
Anyway, my darling son (aged 3.5 years) told me that his job would be feeding Freddy The Fish, changing his water, and making sure his plant (now plants) are standing straight. I thought to myself: Wow, only three weeks in and his Montessori school is already teaching him a sense of responsibility! I also knew that soon enough he would be delegating these tasks to me, his subordinate. And here I am, two days into Freddy, boiling rocks found in the park, dripping vinegar on them to test for something or other, and $75. in the hole due to research on the web about our "easy to care for" fish. All while my son is playing with his I-Pad at his Dad's house. Take it from me, if you have a kitchen floor to wash, some receipts from the last month to put into your spending plan, or you have a penchant for Feng Shui, setting up your fish tank will happily distract and occupy you for some time.
While the pH level of the water situates itself I hope our one fish will survive as I acclimate him to a new tank. To help things move along more smoothly I have taken out my contact lenses to easier read the tank's instruction guide at a distance that is closer than two feet from my face. Noticing my aging can be "eye opening" (I am getting really good with the puns)! Especially in conjunction with not having legally documented my child's guardian or not having a retirement savings account when I am a freelance worker, or what about, not having had a lover in a couple years and wondering how that will play out now that I am over 40 years of age... Maybe I am turning into a cliche of the single mom lady with no sex life... i.e., quick to ignite over simple things like banging one's head on the towel rack, again, while standing up after wiping one's son's bottom. But, I must say that I did see a handsome, interesting looking man with a nice voice in the wine shop tonight, and that was before I had a glass of wine (hey Handsome, have you heard the one about poop?). So there is a benefit to buying a bottle of wine, if only to stir up that curious beast within. P.S. I don't usually notice handsome, interesting men these days, although I Am Not Old, just preoccupied with raising my son. And earning enough money that might be spent on creating relaxing spaces in our apartment such as a beautiful and peaceful 2.5 gallon fish tank.
This weekend I am participating in a Restorative Yoga teachers training with one of my first yoga teachers from 20 years ago. It's been said that you teach what you need to learn and I couldn't agree more. While going through the legalities of my divorce, I went to a weekly Restorative Yoga class for six months. And while attending this weekend training I am reminded that I still need a weekly restorative practice to maintain my personal pH levels. Restorative Yoga is great for today's society, where we are on auto pilot most of the time, have less boundaries between work and self, and often don't even know where we really begin and end. For those of you reading this- take a break into child's pose right now- sit on your heels, forehead resting forward on the floor, arms either along your side, or stretched in front, or making a pillow for your head. Take 25 breaths, come up and then decide how you want to continue your day. (see photo below).
 |
| Bowing inwards and also to Freddy the Fish. |
All the best,
XO
Single Momista
Single Momista: New Responsibility
Single Momista: New Responsibility: Hello all faithful readers, Gosh, rather than reducing my responsibilities (and therefore my stress) I have added to them this week by...
Friday, September 23, 2011
Back up and running
Hello again,
My blog has been out of commission for a bit because I discovered my 16 year old stepson was reading it. I immediately shut everything down as I thought it was too much information for him to be learning about his father. But after I spoke with his mother, and then my therapist, I thought it was most likely healing for him to have read about stuff that he can relate to. I have not written any lies, nor am I writing a hate blog about my ex. My intention is to write about my life as a single mom, and like my own son, my stepson is also the son of a single mom. So I am back and opening my blog up to the general public again. I now have the awareness to be more mindful of who my audience might be. And I'm hoping that after the initial dose, most of my blog will be boring to a sixteen year old boy anyway...
For example, I just got home from a school field trip with my son and a bunch of other three and four year olds. We took a bus ride for two and a half hours to go apple picking in the pouring rain for one hour and then get back on the bus for a couple more hours. I thought I was going to implode with the sheer frustration of it all, but I survived and here are some pics to prove it:
And then once we were back at home in our familiar city digs, my son went to his dad's house for the night. And, ahem, his dad's girlfriend is in town, sleeping over while my son is there. Arhhh...it's all big stuff for me. Maybe some of you who have more experience with that than I do and can leave some comments for me, please?
A friend reminded me recently that my son is not my property. Yep, good reminder, he has his own life path with many people on it. I also have my life path and can be distracted by all the stuff people "do to me" or I can do what I really need to do, which is focus on my creative stuff again. And I really need to get some creative work going. That is also why I started up my blog again. It's been super healing and healthy for me to write. Plus, while writing was always something I considered myself really terrible at (it used to take me ages to even write my name on a paper, let alone string my thoughts together) surprisingly, it's now become my creative outlet. And while I would appreciate the help of an editor, writing is no longer so torturous for me and that feels great (and is even proof that things do change)!
I was reading about people born on my birth date (Jan 3, 1970) and the first line was: You are an artist.
Reading that jolted me back into myself. So hello, I am back...and still need to get to my b.u.t.t. to my friend's ceramic studio!!!!!
Be bold and carry on,
XO
Single Momista
My blog has been out of commission for a bit because I discovered my 16 year old stepson was reading it. I immediately shut everything down as I thought it was too much information for him to be learning about his father. But after I spoke with his mother, and then my therapist, I thought it was most likely healing for him to have read about stuff that he can relate to. I have not written any lies, nor am I writing a hate blog about my ex. My intention is to write about my life as a single mom, and like my own son, my stepson is also the son of a single mom. So I am back and opening my blog up to the general public again. I now have the awareness to be more mindful of who my audience might be. And I'm hoping that after the initial dose, most of my blog will be boring to a sixteen year old boy anyway...
For example, I just got home from a school field trip with my son and a bunch of other three and four year olds. We took a bus ride for two and a half hours to go apple picking in the pouring rain for one hour and then get back on the bus for a couple more hours. I thought I was going to implode with the sheer frustration of it all, but I survived and here are some pics to prove it:
 |
| Our "pick your own" bags of apples |
 |
| The view behind us as we run for shelter on the bus |
And then once we were back at home in our familiar city digs, my son went to his dad's house for the night. And, ahem, his dad's girlfriend is in town, sleeping over while my son is there. Arhhh...it's all big stuff for me. Maybe some of you who have more experience with that than I do and can leave some comments for me, please?
A friend reminded me recently that my son is not my property. Yep, good reminder, he has his own life path with many people on it. I also have my life path and can be distracted by all the stuff people "do to me" or I can do what I really need to do, which is focus on my creative stuff again. And I really need to get some creative work going. That is also why I started up my blog again. It's been super healing and healthy for me to write. Plus, while writing was always something I considered myself really terrible at (it used to take me ages to even write my name on a paper, let alone string my thoughts together) surprisingly, it's now become my creative outlet. And while I would appreciate the help of an editor, writing is no longer so torturous for me and that feels great (and is even proof that things do change)!
I was reading about people born on my birth date (Jan 3, 1970) and the first line was: You are an artist.
Reading that jolted me back into myself. So hello, I am back...and still need to get to my b.u.t.t. to my friend's ceramic studio!!!!!
Be bold and carry on,
XO
Single Momista
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Back to school season
Hello there,
My son is starting a Montessori program tomorrow after two weeks at home without daycare and I'm a nervous wreck! We did a Montessori crash course this weekend. It started with trying to reduce the Big Blue Babysitter (TV) that I have fallen into the habit of using this summer. We played with all the wooden toys we have in the house, practiced cleaning up together, discussed the play mat that everyone has for projects on the floor and we tried (and failed) to nap during their nap time, which starts at 12:30 pm.
We got excited about his lunchbox (from onesmallstep.com), personalizing it with stickers and we went shopping for lunch foods and snacks. I love his lunch box because to me it means that he can take my nurturing to school with him, but really, who am I kidding? I have a boy who seems to survive on milk alone, so I shouldn't expect much in the eating all my "lovely" lunch department.
I tried to pump up the excitement about the shirt he will wear the first day of school (an "S is for shark" shirt), and we talked about that might be sad but he will make new friends and all that. Really, as all you parents probably know, all that pumping up of stuff is as much for me as for him because I'm terrified and stressed and losing sleep! I have been trying to do some restorative yoga everyday to stay connected to myself this week before his new school starts.
Hopefully some of you other parents are taking care of yourselves as well during this back to school transition time!
Take care & carry on!
XO
Single Momista
My son is starting a Montessori program tomorrow after two weeks at home without daycare and I'm a nervous wreck! We did a Montessori crash course this weekend. It started with trying to reduce the Big Blue Babysitter (TV) that I have fallen into the habit of using this summer. We played with all the wooden toys we have in the house, practiced cleaning up together, discussed the play mat that everyone has for projects on the floor and we tried (and failed) to nap during their nap time, which starts at 12:30 pm.
We got excited about his lunchbox (from onesmallstep.com), personalizing it with stickers and we went shopping for lunch foods and snacks. I love his lunch box because to me it means that he can take my nurturing to school with him, but really, who am I kidding? I have a boy who seems to survive on milk alone, so I shouldn't expect much in the eating all my "lovely" lunch department.
I tried to pump up the excitement about the shirt he will wear the first day of school (an "S is for shark" shirt), and we talked about that might be sad but he will make new friends and all that. Really, as all you parents probably know, all that pumping up of stuff is as much for me as for him because I'm terrified and stressed and losing sleep! I have been trying to do some restorative yoga everyday to stay connected to myself this week before his new school starts.
On the Etsy site, I saw some wonderfully sewn felt hearts for kids to keep in their pockets at school and I made a variation out of a spare piece of my son's lovey/blanket. I stuffed it with torn apart cotton balls, as I did not have any fiber fill around. I think this will be an issue when I have to wash it, but until then I'm just not going to think about it!
Hopefully some of you other parents are taking care of yourselves as well during this back to school transition time!
Take care & carry on!
XO
Single Momista
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Wedding anniversary
My ex and I had decided to get married over the Labor Day weekend so we would always have several days off around our wedding anniversary. And here it is again, Sept 3! Last year I had a party at my house to get me through the actual wedding day. And now I am up in MA with my child wondering if I should just stay up here or return to Brooklyn as originally planned...
 |
| me looking very Ukrainian on a farm |
 |
| & then my LA/film director look |
 |
| my favorite- dill! |
 |
| my sidekick & me |
 |
| inside our "pick your own" basket |
I decided to come back to Brooklyn. My son hadn't seen his Dad in eleven days and today started his Dad's weekend. I hadn't even remembered it was my wedding anniversary until it was right on top of me. But when I did remember, I was unsure of how to feel. Sad, weird, betrayed, happy, peaceful? Then a smart friend of mine told me: You can keep going down the same road, remembering the past, being sad for three days around Labor day weekend, or you can Choose A Different Way!! So we raced to the train early this morning and here I am, back home at the beginning of a long weekend, with chocolate ice cream, a fennel and sunflower seed baguette, my blog and a list of Taking Care of Me plans:
1. Photo shoot tomorrow morning for my yoga website
2. Haircut & color
3. Pedicure in a salon
4. Yoga class
5. Envision my fall fashion (ha ha......I fell off my chair laughing)
6. Pay some bills (It feels so good to take care of payments when I have the money)
7. Call friends and maybe even see some in person
Take care & stay true to yourself!
XO
Single Momista
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)